Winter Stars
by servingsarcasm
Summary: There are nights when she lifts her eyes to meet the skyline, her breath breaking free into the winter air, and she wishes, oh how she wishes, she'd see her star. / Faberry, future fic.


**Title:** Winter Stars

**Pairing:** Rachel/Quinn

**Summary:** There are nights when she lifts her eyes to meet the skyline, her breath breaking free into the winter air, and she wishes, oh how she wishes, she'd see her star.

**Disclaimer:** The poem "Winter Stars" was written by Sara Teasdale, _not_ me. There are lyrics from the song "Yellow" by Coldplay, which I did not write. Also, I don't own any of the characters, or _Glee._ Damn, I'm broke.

**Author's note: **I first read the poem about two years ago, and I just came upon it again about a week ago and couldn't get this idea out of my head, so, voilà! Happy Holidays!

* * *

><p><em>I went out at night alone;<em>

_The young blood flowing beyond the sea_

_Seemed to have drenched my spirit's wings—_

_I bore my sorrow heavily._

Step. Step. Step.

It's relentless, that's what she thinks, as she makes her way down the busy sidewalks of the city. Relentless, tired, and wasted. Her eyes take in the piles of snow, silently watching as it glistens in the midday sun. Gleaming, white, and beautiful. Children laugh as they stomp in and out of it, bending to scoop some in a tight ball. Her tight lips quirk for a moment, before she remembers she's not supposed to smile. Well, not that she's not supposed to; more like she doesn't _want _to.

Smiling means forgetting.

She loves the winter, but her heart aches for something else. Someone else.

* * *

><p><em>But when I lifted up my head<em>

_From shadows shaken on the snow,_

_I saw Orion in the east_

_Burn steadily as long ago._

She shakes some of the flakes from her blonde mane as she steps into her tiny apartment, dropping her coat on the first available hook. She kicks off her leather boots by the doormat, and peels off her damp socks. _Damn snow_, she thinks as she tosses the socks in the laundry basket by the door.

She checks the phone. No calls. Of course.

She changes into some sweats, and an old NYU shirt that _she_ used to wear. It still holds her smell, a bittersweet reminder of the lovely mix of vanilla and cherries. How she loved to nuzzle the tender plane of her neck, softly kissing her pulse point as she greedily breathed in the scent that was purely _Rachel_.

She makes a quick cup of cocoa, holding it easily between her fingers, letting the warmth fill her. She opens the doors that lead to the best thing about this shitty apartment.

The balcony.

Two chairs sit, facing the street, and if she looks to her left, she has a beautiful view of the park. She sits in her chair, as she tries to ignore the sinking feeling that someone should be sitting beside her. She and Rachel would spend hours on that balcony, especially in the summer, when it was warm and the sun would shine down on them. Rachel would start out in her own chair, curled up with a book or a magazine, but would eventually end up nestled in Quinn's arms, wrapped in a protective embrace. Most nights they would watch for the stars, and Quinn would smile fondly as Rachel excitedly pointed out every one, claiming them all as her own.

But now, her chair was empty.

So Quinn is forced to spend her nights on the balcony alone with the tiny space heater, bundled up in her sweats with her warm cup of cocoa.

There are nights when she lifts her eyes to meet the skyline, her breath breaking free into the winter air, and she wishes, oh how she wishes, she'd see _her_ star.

* * *

><p><em>From windows in my father's house,<em>

_Dreaming my dreams on winter nights,_

_I watched Orion as a girl_

_Above another city's lights._

When she was younger, she had an undeniable crush on the little brunette. It all started with a burn of desire, which festered deep in her belly until it almost caused her to lose all sense of herself. She would hide in the shadows of the auditorium just to hear the sound of her voice, or the tinkling of her laugh. She even joined Glee Club, for Christ's sake. _Anything_ for her.

But she lost sight of her self, and of what she wanted. She let other things eclipse _her_, and high school ended up being one obstacle after another. She would come home in the winter, to a dark and dreary home, and sit by the frosted windows of her living room. She would watch the brunette across the street, giggling with her fathers as they made a snowman under light of the full moon. And sometimes, Rachel would feel the heated gaze upon her back, and would turn, just slightly, towards Quinn. But then she'd shake her head, and return to her building.

Quinn would continue to long for that unrequited love, until the end of their senior year. She was accepted to Columbia, and was hell bent on breaking out of this town. She knew for a fact that Rachel would be attending NYU, and would make sure she never lost sight of that star.

When Quinn approached her locker one day after class, she found Rachel standing beside it, nervously twiddling her thumbs. She decided then and there that she loved Rachel Berry, and she wouldn't give up on getting the girl.

Though she never planned on the girl getting her.

"Hi Quinn!" She exclaimed as she started twisting the dial, causing Quinn to smile warmly at her friend. "You look very nice today."

"Thank you Rachel," Quinn responded, hoping she would tell her more, or just stand there and keep her company. "What's up?"

"Well actually, uh, I-I was, um, I was wondering if…youwouldwanttogouttonight?"

_What?_

"What? I didn't quite catch that," Quinn laughed.

Rachel took a deep breath, as if preparing to belt out a song, before she started again, confident and firm. "I was wondering if you, Quinn Fabray, would want to go out with me, Rachel Berry, tonight."

Quinn must've stared at the poor girl for a full five minutes before she replied. "God yes!" She practically screamed, but then got control of herself, smoothing out her dress and looking into chocolate brown orbs. "I mean, of course."

She doesn't, to this day, believe that she's ever smiled as truly and as big as she did that afternoon, walking towards the exit with Rachel Berry, her _date_.

* * *

><p><em>Years go, dreams go, and youth goes too,<em>

_The world's heart breaks beneath its wars_

She tilts her head back against the chair, and thinks of the days of old. It's been almost ten years since that fateful day senior year. She wishes she could just hold her Rachel in her arms, kiss her, and just be with her. And while she thinks this, she realizes that life, with all of its inconsistencies, was never meant to be easy. She can sit here and think these thoughts, but nothing will happen if she doesn't _do_ anything.

And maybe that's always been her problem. Rachel initiated everything in their relationship: their first date, their first kiss, their first time, and everything in between. It's what eventually led to their separation. Now Quinn is left holed up in their apartment, while Rachel is sleeping on a college friend's couch.

Damn it, she had to do something. For the first time in this relationship, _she's_ gonna get the girl.

She bursts into a theatre down a crowded Broadway street, bustling past tourists and dawdling crowds. She threw some elbows, and must've received at least twenty glares. She finally reached the velvet ropes, and was breathing so heavily by then she could barely get any words out.

"Woah, ma'am, you need authorization to be back here," a stout and burly security guard informed her.

"Please…Rachel…girlfriend…me." Her own eyebrows scrunch together in confusion of that sentence, as well as the guard's. She is about to repeat that in a more concise manner, when Pauly the stage manager appears behind the guard.

"Quinn, thank the dear Lord you are here," he almost cries. "Rachel has been unbearable these past two weeks. What the hell happened?" He whispered, grabbing her arm and dragging her behind the velvet ropes towards the dressing rooms. "Please tell me you can fix it."

"I'm going to try, I swear. This is all my fault, anyway," she admits, hanging her head slightly as they finally end up in front of Rachel's dressing room.

"Just…fix it, _please_, before I lose what sanity I have left," he tells her, squeezing her hands in his, then walks away.

Quinn lets out a breath and turn towards her door, the one with a giant star and Rachel's name in the middle. She is the star, after all.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Open.

"Quinn? What are you doing here?"

She looks worn, is the first thought that comes to Quinn. Tired and in need of a good rest. The bags under her eyes are apparent even in the dim lighting of the hallway. She just wants to take the small woman in her arms and kiss everything better.

"I've come to make things right, Rach." She takes a step towards her, causing Rachel to step back a bit in hesitation.

"Quinn, I…I don't know this time."

"Just let me talk, please. I need to do this."

The brunette sighed, but opened the door a little wider into her dressing room. Quinn took the opportunity gratefully, stepping in and standing by the mirror. Rachel silently closed the door, turning to face her with her arms akimbo.

"I don't know how to go about saying this, so I'm just gonna say it. I love you, Rach, and that's it. You're it for me." She leaned back against the table, holding her hands out in front of her. "I've spent the last two weeks miserable, sad, and alone, and I'm at least smart enough to know that's not how I want to be. And I know I felt that way because you weren't there. God, Rachel, I don't even know how to explain these feeling I have for you. We've been together for almost ten years, we're best friends, and I'm sorry I never let it be known how much I truly care for you." She leans up off the table, stepping towards the girl who is currently staring at the ground. "You've done everything in this relationship, you're what made it work. I wasn't pulling my weight, and I know that now. I won't let it happen again. I don't want to live another day without you next to me.

"You're my star, my everything. If I lost you, everything would be so dark." Rachel is now silently crying, staring at the girl professing her love to her, and now bending down on one knee. "So here I am, doing what I should've done a long time ago. Rachel Berry, my Broadway star, my life, my faith, my love…will you do the honor of being my wife?"

It's silent for a minute, and Quinn almost faints in anticipation. She needs an answer soon, because she might have an anxiety attack and collapse on the floor.

Finally, dark brown meets hazel and for the first time in two weeks, a true Rachel Berry smile reveals itself. "Yes."

* * *

><p>She pulls a bright pink hat over dark brown locks, securing the strap around the little girl's chin. "Okay, sweetie, mama has your jacket. After you get that on, you're all set for the park!"<p>

The four-year-old smiles brightly, reminding Quinn of a very familiar smile.

"Gracie girl, here's your jacket. Your mittens are in your pockets," Rachel tells the young girl, slipping a fluffy pink jacket on the girls' shoulders and guiding her arms through the sleeves. She then kneeled before the little girl, and zipped the jacket to beneath her chin. "Okay, let's go!" She said excitedly, slipping her own jacket on with the help of Quinn. It was getting harder and harder to move with her growing belly, though she could waddle very well. "Thank you, baby."

"Anything for you," Quinn whispered, placing her hands gently on the brunette's stomach. "How's my boy?"

"Kicking up a storm, as usual. Not as bad as Gracie ever was, though," she smiled at the tiny girl. "Maybe he'll be a soccer player."

Quinn laughed. "I'm sure Luke will be involved in many different things, if he's anything like his mother."

Rachel gasped dramatically, smacking the blonde's arm. "Hey! I was a very involved student, thank you very much. Which is a very good thing. Remember that, Gracie," she tells her daughter, taking her hand as they make their way towards the door.

They walk the park's many winding paths, until Rachel's feet start to hurt, so they stop to rest on a bench. With their daughter nestled between them, the two women smile happily at each other. The night is cold and windy, but the warmth that they feel between them settles contently in their bones.

The night is perfect, Quinn decides. Here she is, spending a beautiful night with her family. She stares fondly at the brunettes beside her, the smaller one kicking her legs and the older one smiling right back at Quinn. It's quiet in the park tonight, as families and couples pass by them on the bench, not disturbing the peaceful moment one bit. Nothing could disturb them, or the vast canvas before them, waiting to be filled with the vibrancy of life. Their life.

"Look at the stars," Quinn quietly sings, as her wife and her daughter slowly tilt their heads towards the dark sky, clear before them in the middle of the park, lit with the lights of beautiful stars. "Look how they shine for you…"

* * *

><p><em>All things are changed, save in the east<em>

_The faithful beauty of the stars._


End file.
